STORY OF MY LIFE.
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RENUKA
19
NYP
Sch of Life Sci: Molecular Biotechnology
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<pocketful of sunshine.mp3 - Natasha bedingfield
Thursday, September 27, 2007, 3:14 am
A new addition to the family!
Okay so today was the day I finally let my mother know about my relationship with Deva. Her reaction was not like how I had anticipated it to be or rather, it was surprising! She really adores him! Especially when she came to know that he doesn't drink or smoke or club (anymore). Besides she was deeply touched with the fact that he address me as his fiancee. Shows how sincere he is in the relationship it seems. Well, in God's grace everything has gone well on my side. Now I just hope the same for his side. So my mum now insists that I should invite Deva along with Rajen, Gowri and my friends for Deepavalli. Well well, see how it all goes.Its Thursday(since it is past 12 mn) and I can't wait for Deva to book out on Saturday. The excitement will start building in from Friday itself. I intend to overnight(for the gazillionth time) with him and then bring him to church on Sunday morning. Sounds fine doesn't it?
I'm so in love with my army boyyyyy!! I can't fall asleep and mum is asking me to go dream about Deva and not disturb her cause she needs her beauty sleep.
I'm in ecstasy baby!
Friday, April 20, 2007, 10:19 pm
An expensive mistake
Wednesday night was just a total nightmare. Am not going to elaborate on it. The more I think about it, the more I just feel disgusted with myself and the more I despise myself. I'm quite aware that some are going to label me a bitch and so on. Well, I don't have the strength to stop any of them and at the same time I am not going to let it affect me. Thing is that I really let down my parents BIG TIME. I really LOVE my mother. I mean though she doesnt seem to show thats he cares she actually does. She cleaned up my vomit ( i vomitted about 3 times), washed my bedsheet and put me to sleep. The next suprising thing is that she called my Dad down cause she was confused and scared! WOW! Whatever happened to her ego!! But my dad was super disappointed at the way i spoke and behaved. Like I said I won't elaborate on it basically I was admitted at TTSH and discharged the next morning with a day MC and so I didnt go to school on Thursday. But seriously, I shouldnt have done what I did. What will he think of me? Not that I still want him back or anything but at the same time I wouldn't want him to think I'm some kinda screwed up bitch. Oh well, like kumar said if he really knew me well he wouldn't jump to conclusions. So if he did then too bad for me.I didnt really talk abt this issue to any1 else except to Charles, Kumar and Gaya. Didn't have the strength to listen to the "I am so disappointed in you renu," speech. I only wanted to discuss it with Kartik cause he was the only one who could truly make me feel better. He called me yesterday night but I was out with my Dad to discuss about the previous day's incident. My dad was telling how he was going to speak to my mother to give me some freedom and not jump to conclusions and hurt me with her piercing words which leads to the frequent fights. I LOVE MY DAD! He understands me the best!! He didnt scold me or lecture me but he handled it in a way that only a professional would have. I am so proud of him.
Today woke up at 11, changed my bedsheet and mother's bedsheet. Cleaned up my room and packed my stuff before I took my shower. By the time I took my own sweet time to get ready I was pretty late cause I had to meet my classmates at 1.40 pm. So, I took a taxi down to NYP. Third time in the week. Burnt about $6.80!! And so I was only left with $3.20 for the day. I didnt want to withdraw more money cause I ready gots of items that I am planning to get soon. Can't wait for my salary on the 7th!
I have to wake up at 5.30am on a Saturday so that I can be on time for work! Sigh. Well, I dont want to depend on my mother for my allowance so I am working on the weekends. I better not be complaining about it or else I am going to have a tough time tomorrow. Will be looking forward to 4pm tomorrow when my work will end! The woman from the ACER company called up today to say that she will deliver my laptop between 10 am to 3pm tomorrow and my mother was grumbling about it cause she wanted to go for shopping with her friends. hahahahaha. SORRY MUM!
Kartik called me today! :D
But he runied it all by lying to me sayign that he knew of nothing that happened on wednesday but kept talking to me sacrstically. You know that its you whom I wana discuss it with. Its only you who can make me feel better. I was so pissed and hurt that i just said bye and hung down the phone. Then about few minutes later he called back to apologised and well I accepted it. It was partly my fault too anyway. After I told him everything he just simply said " okay la, dont think too much about it. Go and get some sleep. I am going to sleep too."
WTF??
You think I can't get this from anyone else ah? And then he apologised again and said that he has nothign much to say cause he was very angry with me. I didnt want to say anything to make matters worse so I just said "take care, good night" and he too ended the conversation with a " I love you, take care of yourself, miss you and good night."
It seemed like as if he said it for the sake of saying it.
Lets see how the day turns out tomorrow.
Oh and he is booking out earlier cause he has to go for his physiotheraphy sessions in SGH. Hope I can meet him soon! YES, I am still angry wtih him but I can't deny the fact that I still love him, miss him and need him badly right now. See, my ego layer just melts when its about him. I LOVE him. No matter what people say about him, be it my close friends, be it his ex gfs, be it the guy I used to be so mad about. Not like you guys were any better. So PLEASE go screw yourselves.
Off.
Labels: disappointment, love
Tuesday, March 06, 2007, 2:07 am
Okay I am back after a many many days. Haha. Its just so funny la. Everyone I know is having problems with their relationships. Well, I am in the same situation too. I see most of my girl friends apologizing to their guy friends and asking them back. I really admire their courage. I mean like SERIOUSLY. Well, I don't think I have a problem doing that but I'm begining to feel what Kartik said was right. So yea, I dont want to hurt myself further.Well, seriously I would really get over him if I could just cry and let it out. But the problem is I can't. I dont know why but I just can't
People say I'm egoistic. Well, maybe I am NOW. Very egoistic. But I was very different last time. I opened up too much and made too much of an effort for someone who wasn't worth it at all. Simple wasn't WORTH IT! And now, cause of this fucking person, I have this huge ego shell surrounding me. I am unable to express myself to many of them. MANY. The result? Seperation. Hurt. Depression.
Well for those who cared, don't worry about me I will be fine. I tried. And for me I think that is alredy quite an achievement. Now, I'll just move on. Or atleast try to move on. I mean shit happens, just clear it up and move on.
Just one request people. Please, please don't remind me that he exists. Thanks loads. I'll be fine. I promise. =) Thanks for being there.
And oh, all the best to all my friends who are planning to patch back! :D
Off.